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In this version of the story, his all-seeing minions have names like Gestapo or KGB, and bad children get taken to Gulags or are disposed of in gas chambers. Younger Santa usually has only a mustache, sometimes a broad smiley one and sometimes a silly toothbrush. If that doesn't improve their behavior, Peter Boss wrestles them into his sack and takes them away, never to be seen again.Įven further up Santa's evolutionary timeline, Santa sheds his red costume and white beard all together, and becomes quite a bit younger. This bundle of rods Peter Boss uses to chastise the bad children.

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The chief of the Black Petes is called Peter Boss ( Pieterbaas), and carries a jute sack full of presents for the good children, and also a bundle of birch rods. They all have the same name but operate in hierarchy. The all-seeing intelligence agents of Sinterklaas aren't green elves, as they are in America, but full grown black men called Black Pete ( Zwarte Piet). Every year he shows up and dispenses candy and presents to the obvious delight of an overwhelming majority. In the Netherlands, he's called Sinterklaas, is a white-bearded bishop and wears a red robe and miter and a crosier, which derives from a shepherd's staff. The modern figure of Santa Claus derives from older sources, most notably the version still told in the Netherlands. And we've been giving it to him for centuries, so he gets more eager every year to get here. For all this generosity Santa merely requires homage and a little offering. Kids that aren't, well, their situation is grim and the odds are against them.Īnd since Santa is omniscient and almighty, the bad children are not eligible to legal defense or rights of recourse or appeal and get processed with lightning speed.

Children that are calm, compliant and obedient get showered with love and rewards. Then he gives all children a social score and dispenses resources, benefits and social status accordingly. To maintain all this, Santa also controls a pervasive intelligence apparatus with which he records all activities of all children, even down to their very thoughts and intentions. He controls all labor, all resources and all production and oversees an economy of privilege rather than market discovery. We've been getting ready for centuries, but finally the season to be jolly is upon us: Santa Claus is coming to town! The name Saint Nicolas means Holy Victor Over The People, so that should put all us bungled and botched right at ease.Īs every child knows, Santa Claus resides in an unexamined haven somewhere out of reach of common review. That means that we appear to be entering the cosmic equivalent of Christmas, in a Tyler sort of way.

At some point, nature should be able to produce a data storage device that is so efficient that it is able to store the entire universe, and in effect duplicate the whole thing.īoth expectable things rather obviously resonate with major portions of the New Testament, and specifically the coming of the Christ.These patterns would reflect a kind of global meta-mind, rather alike the graphs of the stock market, which ultimately reveals the combined psychology of humanity's society. If there are 'certain' movies, then these certain movies might be expected to create patterns that nobody deliberately designed but which are spontaneously generated natural patterns.Knowing this we should expect two things: And certain consciousness made movies, although most didn't. And certain DNA made consciousness, although most didn't. Hence certain atoms made DNA, although most didn't. And they also seem to have forgotten that the universe creates upgrades out of the complex symbiosis of a select few elements of the previous stage. Somewhere along the line humans forgot that they were telling stories because they were integral to the universe, and the universe had been doing it since long before they were around. Zeroville (2019), A Place in the Sun (1958), Fight Club (1999): The curious case of a story in the story of a story.